I think it was called Institute in Basic Youth Conflict when I attended in the 70’s. I don’t know how long my parents attended after I left home. But having just watched the first season of the docuseries “Shiny Happy People” on Amazon Prime, I have a better understanding of why my parents were the way they were., and yet another way my family was so messed up. My father wouldn’t let me declare myself an independent when I was in college so I could qualify for more financial aid. I was paying my way through college, I hadn’t lived at their house in over a year – but, “who do you think they’re going to believe? You? Or me, who has claimed you every year up until now”. And I believed him. I believed “they” wouldn’t believe me – why would they? No one else had during critical points in my life. My father barely talked to me when he was dying, because I wouldn’t get married at “home” (not what I called home). But so many memories came flooding back. I now remember that whole “Authority” thing – I’d forgotten about that. Supposedly, according to Bill Gothard, I was still under my father’s authority, even at the age of 31, when I’d lived out of the house and had been supporting myself for over ten years. Ugh.

I also have a better understanding of where some of my misconstrued ideas about God came from. I didn’t like Gothard. Not from the first time I heard him speak. But just because I didn’t like him, didn’t mean my parents agreed. They still twisted scripture and spouted the “Life Principles” at me.

I’ve only just started coming to grips with the stuff of my life from long ago. It’s hard. It’s painful. It’s a struggle. I’m amazed I have any faith left after all I’ve been through.

Twisted Talk
Sinister Scriptures
Causing Chaos in My Mind

Wicked Wounds
Conflicting Character
Breaching My Breath and
Carving Caverns in My Core

Oh will I recover
How will I ever heal

From the
Taunting Traumas
Robbed Remembrances
Fragmented Feelings and
Abhorrent Acts

That I am trying to deal with now